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Embracing your Rebel WITHOUT a Clue
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Morning all!
My gosh, it’s now 1:42pm and I’m finally (yes finally!) feeling life start to percolate back into my veins. You see, yesterday I indulged (over-indulged) in my beloved adult karate sparring…and it was amazingly magnificent and spine-tingling and death-defying and quite enjoyable indeed.
Our sensei had us practice blocking drills (I counted three fresh new bruises on my forearm this morning!), blocks-into-strikes (my partner was a woman with a super reverse punch that landed over my chest multiple times; it was quite neat tensing my muscles to deflect some of the force. Wow, I actually HAVE muscles now! :) ) and then the actual sparring itself.
Idjut me…well, I was seized by an insane desire to be completely illegal with three opponents and try to get them into a headlock (all together now - "IDJUT BARBARA!!!"). Given the fact all 3 folks are ‘way taller than myself, this failed more dismally than trying to carry the ocean in a colander, but wow, it was tons of fun to try (imagine yours truly, the teeny tiny pitbull, trying to subdue a saber toothed tiger). Taekwondo Boy (1st degree black belt who is amazingly fast) was quite unstoppable yesterday; I went thru my usual moment of EEEEEEK! but was able to push it aside (yay!).
Once I came home, I engaged my AMM (Automatic Mommy Mover) and limped into the house. Honorable Daughter I was there; turns out, in her sparring class her left knee came into Big Bang contact with her opponent…rendering her less supple than a fossilized femur. Joy! And this morning….both of us looked like we had battled Hurricane Ike with a parasol.
But I digress. 
Quick! Look at this comic below and click on it to see the resolution!
Can you soooo relate? Let me tell you, I certainly can! And here’s why.
You see, my two boys have Nicky aspects as well. Honorable Boy II has the best of intentions in the whole entire galaxy….but because of his sheer unadulterated cluelessness, manages to turn molehills into Mt. Vesuvius and engage the ‘eruption sequence’ to boot.
Take last weekend. Honorable Daughter I explained to me that because the printer (currently not hooked up nor configured) was non-operational, she was going to email her teacher her English project.
Honorable Boy II heard this tale of woe. Had I been there, I could imagine the thought bubbles that would have started popping over his head:
Oh no! My beloved sister is in great need of aid! Even though I cannot read I’m certain I can completely dismantle that printer and get it operational!!! Won’t Mom be proud!
So! Without any further ado, Honorable Boy II:
- Took out all the color cartidges
- Took off all the caps
- Opened the printer door and stashed all the color cartridges inside
- Turned on the power
And when that cute little power light lit up, he came running over the UCM (Un-Coffeed Mom, yours truly) and said,
MOM, look! I fixed the printer for my big sister!!!
The silence that followed was shriekingly profound.
But then….I realized…..
Thing is….I really do NOT want to squash Honorable Boy II’s desire to help out…so I was placed squarely in the unenviable position of having to self-medicate myself via a 16 ton anvil gently explain that good intentions are wonderful…but they HAVE to be prefaced by KNOWING what to do. Else….disaster will strike quicker than a lightning bolt can fry up a cornfield.
Which brings me to the point of this post.
If you’re a parent, you’re probably besiged by such "good intentions" rather often. But the one thing you simply MUST do is …
Consider the message your reaction will send….not only in the "here and now" but also YEARS down the road as well.
If you give into the undeniably soul-satisfying desire of thoroughly screaming your head off and transforming yourself into Godzilla’s Menopausal Mom, the only lesson you’ll be teaching your child is:
Don’t try to go out of my way for anyone; I could goof up…it’s better just to not do anything at all.
Let me tell you, that would be a horrible lesson to instill! Wouldn’t you agree?
You NEVER EVER want to stifle basic human kindness; instead, you want to enhance that desire with common sense.
A few days after the printer incident, I attended the Back to School night for Honorable Boy II. And you know what the teacher told me?
Mrs. Ling, your son always proactively goes out of his way to help out other kids who need it. And he doesn’t make them feel bad about it either, he’ll simply say, let me help you. I hardly EVER see that with kids this age.
Oh that was nice!
So! In closing, do remember….
Always examine the reasons behind your children’s (or spouse, or friends, or family, or ….) actions and try to understand the emotion that drove them. Doing so will smoosh down your stress…while giving you the opportunity to teach valuable lessons that will last a lifetime.
And that, of course, is a Very Good Thing Indeed.
Enjoy,
Barbara Ling
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true. that willingness to go out of his way to help someone else is precious. and if it were to be stifled somehow, that would be quite a loss. i hope that remains a part of him, even as he grows older.
kouji’s last blog post..haiku poem: help end hunger
Me too! I think it will.
Barbara