Are YOU having a selfish affair or relationship?
Jul 28th, 2008 | By Barbara | Category: Coaching, Make Things Simple
Morning,
So nice to see you here on my site – hope your day has been treating you well! Mine started with 3 no 12 no 46 cups lots of coffee, and you know what they say:
Coffee – It’s an Addiction….like…..like….like Oxygen is an Addiction!
But I digress.
Onto today’s topic! Awhile back, a very good friend of mine from college and I were at our favorite Chinese buffet restaurant and discussing our current lives (can’t believe we’ve seen 4 decades of it!). We chatted about our husbands, our kids, our activities, and then she said:
"You know Barbara, a really good friend of mine hinted at certain activities….but even if I wasn’t married, I just appreciate him TOO much to have an affair with him."
Of course, I knew exactly what she meant. Do you?
Well?
She meant that even if she wasn’t married, she’d be able to put such an activity in perspective and enjoy it for what it would be (good friends/good sex/etc.), but he’d eventually want more….and that "more" just isn’t something she could offer.
My friend is the kind of person that ,while she lacks the Sports Illustrated Model body type, has left a trail of broken hearts in her earlier years, as every other woman after her simply could never compare.
It’s just one of those things – she’s so in tune with how to make a man feel like he’s the ultimate male being on earth (lots of research, she told me ), guys just found themselves helplessly falling in love with her.
Everyone should have that problem, eh?
Nowadays, she’s completely in tune with her own maturity…and realizes that with every relationship she has (business-wise and friend-wise, that is), she has to be ‘mighty careful with said person’s emotions…..because she refuses to hurt those about whom she cares.
Which brings me to the topic of this post!!
Everything in life is a relationship. Your blog shows your relationship with your readers, your business relationships determine how your financial stability will grow/crumble, your marriage and child-raising is a relationship…..
Are you choosing to be selfish in ANY of the above affairs?
Stay with me here, the following is critical. We all have our areas in which we utterly master other individuals. We’re topdog…and…..everyone else is…..well, not.
We might simply decimate others in SEO or in raising kids or in sensual skills or in mixed martial arts or in power knitting or in political manuevering or in drawing anime or in mentally computing Pi to 4,298 digits or …. you get the idea!
Question:
What happens when we engage in relationships with others who are NOT on our level?
Answer:
Unless you’re REALLY open in the BEGINNING…they get taken advantage of….and end up with big-time hurt.
Dog Eat Dog, Proceed at Your Own Risk, you get the idea.
Now, one can say, all is fair in love and war and …. "It’s only business!"
But that’s a "business" in which I choose NOT to participate.
Tell me now, and be honest with yourself. When someone *not* on your level comes to you for a relationship (ie, promote their product, engage in a JV, etc.), is the playing field level….or are you dealing with it from the position of power?
And if you ARE in the position of power, do you handle that with the respect it deserves….or simply run roughshod over the other individual in question?
Hmmm?
I’d love to hear what you say!
Enjoy,
Barbara Ling
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Barbara, wow! 46 cups of coffee really gets those thoughts percolating! I don’t leave my value system behind when doing business and I happen to believe that we are all on the same playing field. Yet, we are all human and capable of making mistakes. Thank you for the reminder to be sensitive to the needs of others. It is a lesson that can never be heard too often.
Hi Karen,
Your point, “It is a lesson that can never be heard too often” is so true. One thing that I’ve found helps is to alway go into ANY relationship with my eyes entirely open – ie, I’ve learned how NOT to delude myself by false promises, innuendos, etc. It’s tough learning….but definitely worthwhile.
Thanks for stopping by, Barbara
I could feel the caffeine race through <em>my</em> veins as I read your article LOL. You’re so funny.
To answer your final question, I don’t think we can be on a level playing field. If I hire someone who doesn’t know nearly as much as me in web development to design some websites, I will have some “teacher” aspect approach.
I make sure though I always (or try to) approach situations like these in an encouraging manner.
John Hoff – eVentureBiz’s last blog post..Hello & Welcome To The eVentureBiz Blog
Glad you like the humor! And I like the fact you’re encouraging in these matters as well – that’s always a great way to approach things.
Enjoy, Barbara