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How To Punch Your Fist Through a Steel Door and Smash Away Your Stress
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The sun is shining, the birdies are mooing and the cows are tweeting and as I’m sitting at my desk, watching one plugin null out the other plugin, thus breaking my Wordpress as far as I’m concerned, I find myself consumed with the question that has angsted other worldly souls:
$%#$%#! Wordpress! Where’s a steel door through which I can punch!
True, for future care and well-being, I probably should replace the word ’steel’ with ‘nice soft fluffy cotton’ but you have to admit it, that would really lose bunches of impact in the telling. 
Actually, of course, punching through a steel door is easy!
You simply have to make certain the door is open first.
Which of course brings me to the proper topic of this post!
Ever get stressed?
‘course not, I know, what a silly question! After all, a liberal application of coffee (freshly brewed no less) is a perfect method of calming the inner soul and bringing about peace and tranquility, until your children tug at your sleeve and gravely inform you that your youngest wanted a pet so he brought in the 3,286 sugar ants that are currently building a termite mound (we’re talking megaConfused bugs here) on your laundry basket.
But what if more drastic measure of destressing are required?
Glad you asked! For your enjoyment, I offer to you ways to, ahem, view stress in a new and agonizingly delightful fashion.
Take a deep breath.
Stop choking because you forgot to put down your coffee cup.
Take another deep breath.
Smile.
Use two fingers to force the smile.
Intone to yourself, I am PEACE and I am CALMNESS.
Feel the stress flowing out of you.
Feel the bafflement of "Gosh, my kids are quiet, I wonder what they’re doing?" flowing into you.
Stomp that flow dead and repeat, I am PEACE and I am CALMNESS.
Pause to listen for the tell-tale signs your children are actually behaving.
Give up the deep breathing exercise and with grace and style, saunter cheerfully over to your children to allow their happy joyful exuberance futher calm your worried soul.
Gaze upon the aforementioned 3,286 sugar ants.
Remind yourself that if you continue to hold your breath in utter shock, you’ll soon collapse in a twitching heap.
Mull for 2.8 nanoseconds on that pleasant image.
Ask yourself, gosh, what had stressed me out in the first place?
Realize your current situation is ‘way more freaky than the original one.
Gently remove your hands from your hair and explain to your youngest that Fred, the Friendly Ant, and his 3,285 bestest buddies really miss their parents and if he valued his continued existence wanted peace and harmony to shine across the universe, he’ll bring his pets outdoors.
Return to your original Place of Sanity and repeat, I am PEACE and I am CALMNESS.
Stop snicking to yourself and concentrate. Reeeeaaallly concentrate.
Notice the tapping noise.
Ignore the tapping noise.
Start to focus on only the tapping noise.
Yield to utter dread and gently inquire to your blessed offspring, "Kids, what’s that tapping noise?"
Wonder why nobody is answering.
Walk over to your children and look to where they’re siliently pointing.
See your youngest using his Tinker Toy drumstick against your Waterford Crystal Goblet.
Cheerfully ask your youngest, what is the problem you’re trying to solve?
Try to wrap your mind around the fact he’s the drum major and Fred with his 3,285 bestest bud ant friends are the marching band.
Happily explain to your child that while you’re thrilled with his astounding creativity, Fred and his bestest buds lack ears and can’t hear his music.
Try to catch the Waterford Crystal Goblet that was just dropped in unhappiness.
Miss.
Smile.
Even though it’s reaaaaallly painful.
Smile. And Then
Think to Yourself
I Know Where I Can Find a Steel Door….and I’ll bet it’s open just for me!
Enjoy,
Barbara Ling
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ps - speaking about fists!
Iron Fist #6 - Marvel - 1976 - VF
Iron Fist #5 - Marvel - 1976 - VF
Iron Fist #3 - Marvel - 1976 - VF
AFRO PICK with Black Fist~NEW!~metal african hair comb
KAIYODO “Fist of the North Star” 1 6 mini-bust figures
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Subscribe to the comments for this post
I’ve been in marching band too - what great memories your post brought up!
Another delightful visit to the wonderful world of Ling Land. Thanks again for the laughter! Birgit
Birgit’s last blog post..Can dogs fly?
@Birgit
Glad you enjoyed it! Fred thanks you too.
@Sam
I adored marching band ‘way back when - it was really a highlight of growing up.
Enjoy, Barbara