Have you ever had a friendship you really treasured?
If so, have you ever been open and honest with each other when problems occur?
What’s that? You never had the need to bring that up yet? My gosh, why on earth NOT?
If there’s one thing my 4+ decades of life on this planet has taught me, it’s that everyone has failed mind-reading 101…and sometimes, actions/words will cause some pretty painful results for the people you love.
But here’s the challenge. Sometimes, it’s really easy to let your pride and own feelings of hurt overwhelm you…and to ignore the fact your friend was speaking from the heart.
Speaking from the heart, walking the walk you talk. It’s the mantra by which I live my life. Sometimes I think it’s a rather stupid mantra, mind you, because I end up getting hurt. My life would be so much easier if I would just play the games many other people play and keep some friendships at a superficial level.
But then again…then I wouldn’t be me. Go figure.
But I digress.
If I were to pick a point of clarity for me regarding friendship, it would be how blessed I am when my friends are honest (even if I completely disagree with their viewpoints). Honesty…it rocks.
But dealing with it – it can hurt as well.
And here’s where so many people fail horribly – when they get hurt by their friends, they turn to sarcasm to protect themselves or justify themselves…even if their friends were being nakedly open, honest and vulnerable.
That just plain sucks.
Having been married now for 16+ years, and also having now been raising a passel of kids/stepkids for, hmmm…. 16+ years too, I’ve (finally!) learned the art of never immediately reacting when friends/family act bizarrely.
I know how to put myself in the other person’s shoes and see the situation from their eyes and let me tell you, the breathtaking sheer stupidity of their actions at times is hard to believe.
But get this – just because I might think they took a flying leap off the logic train, does not whatsoever detract from the basic fact – their feelings/thoughts are just as valid for them as mine are for me.
The very worst thing you can do when someone you love expresses hurt or anger is to trivialize their feelings…or use sarcasm in your response.
It takes guts to be honest, it takes guts to be open, it takes guts to allow yourself to be vulnerable.
When your friend/family member expresses herself or himself to you, it’s an action worthy of respect (that is, of course, unless said person insults you or tries to cause you grief). You might not agree, you might allow your emotions to cloud your feelings and get truly angry as well…but please, never ever ever react with sarcasm.
Sarcasm can damage the basis of friendship far more easily than you can ever imagine; it will scare off your friend not only from being honest in the future, but also make it highly improbable that your friend will trust you enough to be open again. And if it’s a strong friendship, that’s really one hell of a loss.
My post,
A friend is ALWAYS a priceless gem and you’re never too old for more
goes into it a weeee bit more. 🙂
Enjoy,
Barbara Ling
ps – speaking about friendship, have you seen:
Get Started Here
You’ll love what you learn… Promise!