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On Dealing With Really Vile Children and Adults and Relationships
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Morning!
The sun is shining, the birdies are mooing and the cows are tweeting and life over here in Ling Land is quite appley indeed (ran out of peaches, you see). This weekend is Father’s Day, which means I have to start composing my epic work The 12 Days of Father Days (must complement the 12 Days of Mother’s Day, you know). Not only that, but today is our dojo’s Karate Demonstration in the next town over, and I have to attend to take pictures as well (which is quite enjoyable, actually - I love seeing the parents’ faces when I present them excellent candid shots of their kids performing).
But that’s later on in the afternoon! This morning, I’d like to dwell upon something you’ve probably never even considered might inhabit this planet…..
Obnoxious Children
Don’t panic! I know this concept is utterly foreign to you, but let me frighten you even more:
Obnoxious Cliquey Children Who Try To Manipulate Your Kids
The mind shudders, doesn’t it?
I was gently reminded of these really pathetic objects who waste oxygen darling little kids when one of my children spoke those words that perk up all parents’ ears:
Mom, I have a problem.
Immediately, of course, I engaged my mess with my kids I mess with your face understanding parental mode and sat down to listen. Turns out….my kid who is friends with everyone hangs out with 3 other children at school. Two of those kids decided, hmmmm, we just don’t like the other one - let’s tell my kid to choose between those 2 and the one left out. Of course she’ll choose us!
Now, gentle reader, I must pause here as I yet again cast my eyes heavenwards and ask the universe:
Oh Universe, why are pre-teens more manipulative than Twister players riding a Category 2 Tornado?
ARGH! My gosh, I remember those stupid, horrid, utterly catty and manipulative actions from when I was a child. ARGH! You’d think that Darwinism would eventually weed out such behaviors (but as such behaviors are what makes politicians and CEOs in the future, I guess not).
So! Both my eldest and I talked with my kid and emphasized the following:
By trying to force you to choose, they’re manipulating you into hurting the other person and controlling your own actions. Refuse to choose and tell them, if they want to cut off the friendship with you, you’re fine with that - it’s THEIR choice….not yours.
Well! I’m pleased to announce, that’s just what my kid did (and let me tell you, the original two kids were quite flabbergasted my child didn’t dance to their commands). They chose to end their friendship with my kid.
My kid? Well, my kid responded:
Hey, that’s their choice. It was pretty dumb as we all had great times together, but hey, that’s their choice. No biggie.
My kid rocks!!
Which brings me to the following.
Have you ever been in a situation where people look out for number one…by trying to force you into actions more blatantly stupid than practicing deep breathing while being submerged in your bathtub?
Hmmmm?
How have you reacted?
Remember! When people tell you, make a choice between A and B….
There’s always the third option of choosing NOT to be manipulated and choosing NOT to choose.
After all, who the heck are they to demand you must change your behaviors…if your behaviors aren’t hurting anyone and indeed, make others happy?
Hmmmm?
One of the biggest problems some people have is an innate desire to please others. And that’s very well fine and good - I, for example, go out of my way to please my husband, my kids, my true friends, etc. But such actions end at those individuals! They’re important enough to me that I enjoy making them happy.
And….
Everyone else…well, isn’t.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ll always help out in a pinch….but never allow individuals and other friends to take me for granted to the point, they feel they can tell me to CHOOSE between A and B.
Nobody but nobody has that ownership over me.
Do they have that ownership over you?
It’s something on which to think.
Enjoy,
Barbara
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I know what you mean - as my children get older, it seems like they encounter more and more social peer pressure. Your kid did good.
@Heidi,
Thanks! We congratulated her quite a lot too.
Best wishes, Barbara