I told my guardian angel NO today
Oct 29th, 2009 | By Barbara | Category: Coaching, Insights
Morning all,
You know, I’m a firm believe in you cannot control how others act….but you can choose how YOU react to the actions.
I’ve been very blessed in life by not only a magnificent family (kids, husband, parents) but also some friends whom I truly treasure. Some of the these friends I met online, some of these friends I met while growing up, some of these friends I’ve never encountered in real life. But….
But the one common factor in all of them is, they touched my heart and I consciously chose to go out of my way for them.
I take complete and total ownership of that, of course. When you choose to love someone, or look out for them, or otherwise be a covert angel, you’re proactively GIVING something that truly….was never asked for.
Thus, if my actions are not appreciated…the only person to blame, honestly, is myself.
Over the past few weeks, several people in my life failed to walk the walk they talked to me. Again, I cannot control that; these things happen.
But what was a milestone for me happened earlier. I came across something online that I know one of these people would want to be aware of. And I was going to send said individual email when I stopped myself and asked myself:
"Jeepers self, this person doesn’t give a sh*t about the efforts you do or the caring you show…why do you still want to help out?"
That blasted me dead in my tracks, let me tell you.
- Why on earth DO I still want to help?
- Why on earth SHOULD I want to help?
- WHEN ON EARTH WOULD I FACE FACTS THAT MY HELP IS NOT APPRECIATED?
Luckily, I started facing that fact today.
And it’s painful beyond measure.
I don’t blame my friend, of course – while this person loved how I was always there for him, he never proactively ASKED me to look out for him. He just took…and took…and took.
It could be he’s depressed. It could be he’s lazy. It could be that’s just his nature.
But you know what?
My friendship is worth more than that.
So! Let’s now bring this back to the most important person reading it…YOU!
I firmly support taking care of one’s friends…and I think that you should go out of your way for the people you love.
Unless, of course…they’re just taking advantage of you.
If that’s the case, you owe it to yourself to recognize the true value YOU represent…and be confident enough to state, Dammit, I AM worth more. And I’m going to act that way….starting this second.
Oh, and that email I was going send? I killed it. And realized…I just told my guardian angel:
No, I’m NOT going to keep giving for someone who truly doesn’t care.
That was truly a milestone in my life.
It’s one that I will remember forever.
Enjoy,
Barbara Ling
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Hi Barbara,
I really enjoyed your newsletter today, the posts you noted, the negative comments blog by Diana really made me laugh and also your post above!
Your post reminded me of an article on O’Oponopono, a true story about a therapist in Hawaii by Dr. Joe Vitale called “I’m Sorry I Love You”, have you read it? It’s basically talking about healing that part in yourself so that this part can be healed others, so when one forgives oneself- this can heal, which then has effect on others around you through thought.
It is a beautiful planet we live on!
Great weekend to you
best
vic
Victoria´s last blog ..St. Martin Art Goes To France For The Summer
Thanks so much for your wisdom, and glad you liked my newsletter!
Life, it’s character-building indeed.
Barbara, ah yes, the giver’s dilemma. We are giving, and helpful and we often have difficulty discerning when to stop. My big breakthrough came when I realized that people naturally expected me to take care of myself (duh!), that was my job not theirs. I also concluded that to honor the gifts and blessings that God had given me meant also caring for how they are distributed. This included putting an end to devaluing my professional time and services. Am I any less giving? Nope! But I am wiser, happier and not allowing others to bleed me dry.
Karen Swim´s last blog ..The World’s Not Small It’s Just Sliced Really Thin
Yes indeed! Not only that however…you can also choose where to put your value and how to be there (or not) for people in your life.
It’s much healthier that way.