Are you deserving of my tears?

The joys of parenting!  It’s never ending…and every moment really is a teaching moment, indeed.

Today’s Camp Ling worked out all perfectly peachified!  We walked to our neighborhood movie theater to catch Wall-E (2+ mile walk in which my scientific water bottle experiment worked beyond our expectations), my kids started their new blogs on their favorite animes, and I even got an opportunity to teach my clone (ie, younger daughter) why crying can be a really damaging choice of behaviors….

I actually do have quite a lot of sympathy for her, of course, having suffered from the same problem until my 30s. 

When emotions overwhelmed me, I would cry no matter who was present (and let me tell you, that wreaked HELL during performance reviews in corporateLand!).  I just couldn’t stop the tears; it was like a faucet was turned ON and only time would slow down the river to a trickle.

Now with the wisdom of my vast venerable age, I have taught myself to view crying with regards to who is present.  After all, shedding tears puts you in a rather vulnerable position; it’s not something you’d share with,  say, your PTA colleagues or Starbucks counter-person or any ‘ole human bean who happens to be in the vicinity!  So…

I’m pretty decent now at withholding all emotions to those who are unworthy of knowing the "real" me.

Zoom back to this morning’s Camp Ling karate activities!  I was teaching my kids the "Sensei stance" – it’s a fighting/sparring stance which is really uncomfortable until you’re used to the way the hands go.   All my kids were falling over themselves as they  slowly pivoted from foot to foot – ’twas expected, of course, as they’re quite new to it.  But Honorable Daughter II became confused when she couldn’t immediately understand the technique, and subsequently broke down in sobs and tears.  It wasn’t intended, of course, and she certainly didn’t want to cry in front of her siblings, but once started…the river ran deep and wild and furious and, well, just didn’t stop.

I let her leave the room to gather herself and regroup, and continued to teach the other kids for 10 more minutes.  Afterwards, Honorable Daughter II and I sat down for a 15 minute chat in which I explained to her, tears are precious…

You don’t want to waste them on folks who are not worthy of them. 

True, your family is the ultimate of wondrousness, but let’s say that happened in school and you felt the tears avalanching on….what do you think your classmates would say?

Would they be understanding, or would they say instead,

HA HA!  Look!  What a baby!  She cries for no reason!

Given the fact I think the vast middle-schoolers have the politeness of a pack of pirahnas, methinks the second reaction would be much more in tune with reality. 

End result?  I told my daughter that the next time, she’d have to stay and continue with the family, even if the tears are rolling down her cheeks; she has to learn how to control her emotions come heck or high wawa.  It’s painful beyond belief, and yes indeed, character-building to the max….but wow oh wow, how I wish I had learned that when I was in my single-digits as well.

Now, let’s bring this post back to the most important person in the world – you!

Tell me now…

Are you an open book?

And if so, do people take advantage of that?

I’m all for being open and honest….with the people who have earned my trust.  But I’ve also learned that while life "should" be a certain way…chances are, there are jerks around you who will cheerfully slit your throat while smiling deep into your eyes.

Remember!  The real you, the inner you, the YOU that only your family and friends know….that’s one heck of a precious person! 

 You don’t want to reveal that to people who would only use it to hurt you in return.

Right?

So the next time you have an insane desire to showcase the real "you"….make certain….the people witnessing it are truly deserving of the privilege.

Your future contentedness depends upon it.

Enjoy,

Barbara Ling

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ps – speaking about tears:

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