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The Law of Pro-action IN Action - When people denigrate you, here’s how to respond
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Morning!
Well! Talk about a birthday to remember! First off, our local stores are having their "We’re desperate to sell our clothes - please take of 90%" sale" (yes! My deltoids are set with sleeveless t-shirts!) and then I took my kids to enjoy "Star Wars: The Clone Wars" (and let me tell you, for a Star Wars addict, it was truly a most enjoyable time indeed - not as good as the series but still profoundly satisfying).
A superb family time was had by all, and then I returned home to discover that a former colleague of mine in the Internet recruiting industry took the rather odd action to, ahem, denigrate my contributions on his site.
My. Talk about surprising!
I always believe that one should never ever burn bridges with former colleagues; it’s just bad manners. But what was even more fascinating to me was that this individual still has my name up on his main business site as a valued resource.
So what did I do?
Nothing really….except call my contacts in the Internet recruiting industry (and being one of the original pioneers of it, there be lots!) and point out not only the article, but where my name was lauded as well.
I firmly believe in letting actions speak louder than words, you see.
Oh, and I also screen-captured the original pages as well. 
You know, it’s really tempting to engage in a flame war and proactively beat my chest and roar like a lion (and that would be pretty satisfying too I reckon; I know preschoolers love such actions)…
But I’ve reached a time in my life where, well, life is just too short to value what some people say.
Now, if it had been, oh, a person whose opinions are important to me like Bill Vick or Maureen or Shally or Jim etc., I’d pro-actively engage in conversation and see why they wanted to burn bridges. These people are meaningful to me; I value not only their business acumen but their insights as well.
But for a former colleague to a.) lie about phone calls and b.) denigrate me when he actively lists me as a valued resource on his business site…. that just goes into the realm of the bizarre.
And I choose NOT to deal with the bizarre; raising 4 kids gives me enough exposure to that element for me, thank you very much.
So! As always, let’s bring this post back to the most important person in the world….you!
How do YOU choose to deal with denigration or lies online?
- Do you passively stand by?
- Do you aggressively retaliate?
- Or do you simply choose to alert the people about whom you care?
Personally, I believe that sinking to attacking other industry leaders simply reveals one’s own telling personal insecurities. I do not like confrontation, I do not adore conflict, and quite frankly, I am of the belief "live and let live". Life’s just too short to be a jerk.
I really do not understand what drives folks to actively seek conflict. I truly do not! If I want to engage in active aggressive confrontations, I’ll seek out my favorite black belts at karate and ask to become one with the floor; it’s a great way to expend energy and gain skill at the same time!
But to proactively denigrate someone online?
It’s beyond my abilities of comprehension.
How about you?
Several bloggers in the past have written superb articles about what to do when you’re attacked online, including:
- Dealing with the Not Trolls
- Dealing with negative comments -A psychological approach
- Dealing with Negative Criticism of Your Blog
- Dealing with negative comments
- Guide to Trolls
- How to Deal with Negative Blog Posts
- Ignore ‘em or Embrace ‘em? How to Handle Negative Blog Comments
- What being kicked through the air taught me about blogging - When your blog is attacked
- What to do when your blog is attacked
For me, I choose to approach it like so.
I cannot control what others write nor what others say…but I CAN control how I proactively choose to respond.
What about you? Remember, in this thing called ‘life’….what goes around, comes around. Make certain what’s coming around to you is something you can embrace with open arms.
Your happiness will thank you for it.
Enjoy,
Barbara Ling
ps - speaking about denigration, why not make friends instead?
NEW How to Win Friends and Influence People
HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE, Dale Carnegie
How To WIN FRIENDS And INFLUENCE People Dale Carnegie
NEW Dale Carnegie’s Radio Program: How to Win Friend…
How to Win Friends & Influence People-Carnegie-8CDs-New
Popularity: 6% [?]
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Subscribe to the comments for this post
Whew I was nervous when I saw the URL clueless-jerks…
I was hoping I wasn’t one of them! lol
Thanks for the link, glad you liked our article
Matthew’s last blog post..Comment Friday for August 15th
Your article was great! I’m glad to include it.
Best wishes,
Barbara
Hi Barbara: I’m sorry you had to go through this experience and, yes, sometimes people do bizarre things. One of the problems with the internet is precisly one of the best things about the internet: you’re exposed to so many people. That’s a great list of resources on what to do if you’re attacked online. All the best, Marelisa
Marelisa’s last blog post..Slow Down - 32 Ways to Start Now
Glad you enjoyed the article! Everything happens for a reason - it’s quite fascinating to follow how people act.
Thanks for stopping by!
Enjoy,
Barbara
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