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The fine art of beating yourself up
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Morning!
Well, yesterday was quite the interesting character-building time for me. Actually, for the most part, it was quite enjoyable - got lots of writing done, taught my kids some snappy comebacks to idiot sayings, saw the final printout of the first brochure I’ve ever designed (and I’ll confess - that was sweet)….life was most peachy until my beloved adult sparring.
For there:
In a word, my skills were less optimal than, oh, lessee, a drunk moose playing DDR with his caribou buds.
Bleh. I’ve haven’t been that incompetent now for over a year; I have no idea to where my mind went during the bout. And afterwards, I couldn’t even leave (welll, of course I COULD, I chose not to, as the karate demo team was practicing and I always take pictures). So for the first 10 minutes, I dwelled on how truly lousy I performed.
It’s been awhile since I beat myself up like that.
Truth to tell, I gave myself permission during those 10 minutes to really decimate my inner spirit and emotions. Having gone thru personal disappointment before, I know that working thru the ick-like feelings would get it out of my system so I could finally let them go.
So! I indulged in the following infantile behavior:
- I asked myself, why on earth am I actually sparring with kids half my age?
- Told myself, it’s a sign! I should give it up!
- Said to myself, everyone laughed at you, it should bother you!
and various other ridiculously self-pitying thoughts (nobody at our dojo ever laughs at someone else - that was simply my mind making up lies).
In hindsight, wow, I can certainly laugh at it now!!
After my 10 minutes were up, I manfully hefted up my 7 ounce camera (yes! Now that I can arm-curl 35 pounds in one hand, I can carry a digital camera! :) ), took up my photographer’s position in the dojo, and started snapping my shots. And as I expected, my guardian angel kicked in and I mulled over to myself:
Hell, even senseis have a bad day! True, they’re an order of magnitude better than MY bad days…but so what? You’re already ‘way ahead of your crowd with your determination to always improve.
You see, right after my miserable bout, class ended ahead of time…so I didn’t even get my chance to ask one of the black belts for a ‘Please decimate me so I can pick myself up off the floor and attack you‘ bout (whenever I’m pathetic, I find myself with an insane desire to pick a fight with the best fighters there…just to experience not giving up). And that lack was what probably fueled my self-pity later that evening.
Funny how the mind works, eh? It was quite weird to experience.
Let’s bring this post back now to the most important person reading it….you!
How do YOU deal with your own incompetence?
Do you allow your little voice to undermine your personal beliefs in yourself…or do you manage to emerge from your self-pity stronger than ever?
Personally, I find nothing wrong with a little self-pity. If your emotions are sooo powerful that they start wreaking damage upon your current state of mind, well…..that’s pent-up energy that can ultimately really crush your enthusiasm in the long run.
Don’t bottle those emotions in! Instead, give yourself permission to really wallow in self-pity for at least 10 minutes. Imagine your worst-case scenario ("People laughed at me!") and then multiple the feelings of shame 283 times. Really build up to a Woe-is-me attitude!
And then….let it go.
When you find yourself enduring harmful emotions that are theatening to burst your inner spirit open, don’t deny them….they’re there to teach you something precious about yourself. Work thru them! Honor those rather heart-felt (and admittedly painful) emotions, process them, taste them, experience them, let your soul push against them….and then let them GO with a capital G.
- It’s okay to feel lousy and self-conscious at any age!
- It’s okay NOT to be the all-powerful super person you are 100% of the time.
- It’s okay to be human.
In other words, it’s okay to feel lousy sometimes….so long as you turn that negative energy into a positive result.
This is gold to teach your kids!!
Time is never stagnant - tomorrow will be another day and yes indeed, tomorrow things will always look different if you give yourself permission to consider other aspects of the issue that caused you angst.
So! Today I’ll be attending my karate dojo’s demo at our town celebration day and handing out the brochures I designed. I’ll watch my senseis and student colleagues NOT with envy but with pride and appreciation…and I’ll thank my guardian angel that I am blessed to have them and the Martial Arts in my life.
Life….it’s character-building. 
Enjoy,
Barbara Ling
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Subscribe to the comments for this post
indeed. it’s easy to laugh at it later, but when you’re feeling lousy, well, you’re really feeling lousy. i like your advice. true, we should sometimes give ourselves permission to wallow sometimes, because that’s just basically giving ourselves permission to be human.
kouji | capiz’s last blog post..haiku poem: poverty (freeplay)
Thanks for your comments!
Barbara