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Healing the pain of your childhood and making your inner child proud

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Morning!  It’s a beautiful sunny (not, it’s still the wee hours of the morning) day here in LingLand where the TwitterBudgies are tweeting up a storm (even though all the lights are out), I have a cup of coffee standing guard to my left, and things are simply quite peachy with a touch of apricots….started the day by commenting at Blogging for Leads: Put some bait on your hook! and 5 Reasons You Need To Create Informational Products, and now…now it’s time for:

Today I’d like to write about healing your pain from your childhood! Talk about a dramatic topic, eh?

But first, gentle reader,  a weeeee bit of background.   Long long ago, back before the earth’s crust cooled  and when parents actually DIDN’T sue communities when their kids fell on the playground, I was a young lass whom kind adults would describe as "shy" and "quiet." 

With the vast wisdom my years of living have now provided me, I’d amend that visual portrait by adding a huge dose of honesty.  I wasn’t just shy and quiet…I was weak with zero self-confidence, possessed a personality less exciting than melted ice cream, and when I was 11 to 12, was teased and beaten up quite often at school.  I couldn’t fight my way out of a wet paper bag, let alone summon up the courage to confront the rabid jackals known as my classmates when they would bully me back then.

This all changed when I was 12, mind you - I finally told my parents what was happening and explained that my guidance counseler told me, if you fight, you’ll be suspended.  My mom, bless her heart, responded:

If you fight and get suspended, we’ll reward you.

and the next day I lit into the people picking on me and stopped the abuse cold.  All that had been required back then was the courage to say ENOUGH….I truly wish I had internalized that years before.

Anywhos!  Fast forward 31 years.  If you’re a regular reader of my blog, you know that I’m an avid participant in karate with my kids; I’m one of the few insane karate moms who flings herself whole-heartedly into sparring and the like.  I’m making up for lost time! 

Now, there are several utterly magnificent, superb senseis at my dojo.  There’s one particular guy who could probably drop Godzilla with a single kick; going against him is an exercise in extreme character-building-ness.  Let’s call him Sensei TKD.  And there’s another sensei who is closer to my height and spars like a boxer crossed with a tornado; it’s a sheer pleasure to simply watch him move around folk and get in shots left and right.  We’ll call him, Sensei Rocky.

Well!  A few days ago, I had told Sensei TKD that part of Camp Ling involved creating humor videos (I have this perfect reel of my boy being told by Sensei Rocky to attack him, and running smack into his hand and bouncing off.  Honestly, it’s hysterical to watch…but before we can make fun of my kids, we first have to make fun of Mom!).  My goal was to have my eldest video tape me being knocked off my feet so we could add appropriate sound effects (and submit it to Monty Python!  :)  ).

Alas, things just didn’t work out as expected (do they ever?).  Prior to class ending, I had the indescribable joy of going against a guy who possesses legs the size of Montana and who landed a kick square on my chest protector that stunned me for several seconds:

Think "Deer in the Headlights" meets "16 Ton Acme Anvil" meets "Wrong place, wrong time"

So even though Sensei TKD was willing to spar with me afterwards, I decided that showing my eldest the wisdom of knowing when to stop would provide a much more effective life lesson.   See how calm and logical the Mother Ling can be!  Learn from her poise, from her style, from her ability to ignore how others might perceive her and allow instead for logic and wisdom to rule the land!

That is, until Sensei Rocky came by and said, so!  Up for moving around? 

When I responded, no, he, ahem, gently hinted at the fact that perhaps, ah, I was being a wimp (for the past 3 months, I’ve been after him for sparring and have perhaps a little bit insinuated he was petrified to face me been waiting patiently) …and then said, you can ignore me, I’m just being a jerk .

Let me tell you, time flashed still at that very moment and everything about me stopped.

Far from being the All Powerful Mother Ling, my mental thoughts reverted back 31 years ago when everyone was "being a jerk" to me and I was afraid to stand up….for *myself*. 

Time started up after 2.3 nanoseconds, mind you, but I could literally feel energy flowing back into my pulverized body as I said to myself, Jerk?  You’re being a jerk?  Just like everyone else was ‘way back when, when I was afraid to stand up for myself?  You’re going down, boy!

And as my daughter looked questioningly at me, I put my gear back on and said, you’re on!

To make a long story short, I sparred with him for two minutes but NOT as an adult…instead, I experienced the match as my 12 year old self finally getting in the hits I always should have done, if I had had the courage to make it so back then. 

It was a glorious time for me.  Sensei Rocky, of course, could flatten me within 3 seconds if he so desired, but he really gave me some excellent training and experiences.   I’m very grateful to him for the bout.

After the match, folks left and my daughter commented, gee Mom, are you okay?  This might be because I was so drained I couldn’t take off my shin-guards without her help, and kept babbling to myself, I did it!  I did it!  Wheeeee!  I did it!  Later after I had regained enough energy to stand without crashing to the ground and becoming one with the carpet, she told me:

Mom, I really admire you - you know you’re really bad (okay, she used the word ‘pathetic’ but hey, leave me *some* dignity :)  ) at sparring yet don’t care what people think, so long as you continue to learn.

Let me tell you, even if I hadn’t been reliving my childhood, the above comment would have made everything perfect by itself; I adore walking the walk for my kids and teaching by example.  Mom rocks!

But I digress. 

My match with Sensei Rocky was one of the most self-healing things I’ve done as an adult.  I can NEVER EVER change the past….(heck, who can, except for Jamie and Clare Fraser) but I COULD recreate experiences from ‘way back when…and then deal with them as I should have (if only I had possessed the courage to stand up for myself).

And the funny thing is, this wasn’t planned whatsoever - it was the combination of words Sensei Rocky spoke that caused my memory neurons to fire and regress myself back 31 years. 

Wow.  It was truly wonderful stuff indeed.

So!  Let’s now bring this post back to the most important person it can involve - you!

• Are there pains from your childhood that still menace your well-being?
• Are there times in your past you wish you could revisit…and cause the turnout to vary dramatically different?

If so, perhaps you might want to explore "making them right" with yourself. 

True, you cannot relive them in reality…but you CAN give yourself permission to honor the person you were ‘way back then…because you didn’t yet possess the life skills to handle things differently.

It’s okay to realize as an adult that hey!  I was dealt a bad hand growing up…and even worse, I lacked the courage to thrown down that hand and demand a new one.

It’s over.  It’s done with.  It’s helped create the person you are today.

It might have been more painful than sticking carrot graters in your eyes.  It might have been more devastating than seeing the midwest floods innundate your neighborhood’s friends and familes.  

But remember…. as Richard Bach says,

Every problem has a gift for you in its hands.  You need the problems because you need the gifts.

I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason….and events that scar you brutally and deeply also temper you like the finest sword of Damascus steel. 

Thus, give yourself permission to heal yourself of your childhood scars and wounds.  Make it okay with yourself the person who you were…..because if you didn’t have those challenges so early in life, you probably wouldn’t be half the magnificent person you are today.

And then find a sensei with whom to spar.  Your inner child will cheer you on. 

Enjoy,

Barbara Ling

 

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