I love it when YOU cry – the benefits of 4 decades of life.

Morning!

You know, I’m really a big believer in fate and destiny and all that nifty neat thingees that I personally believe govern our actions.

Sure, folks might say…you can always change your destiny, but I think, should that happen…it occurs because your destiny WAS to change. 

Being the all-powerful Matriarch of the Ling family, raising my kids, making money online, helping fellow entrepreneurs, etc….all of the above have helped me realize one blazingly cold stark fact of life.

And it’s this:

EVERYTHING happens for a reason.

Here’s why I think this.

One of my personal gifts in this life is that I can solve anyone’s problem, no matter what it is.  True, that really does sound arrogant and ego-centric…but for the past 20 years, I’ve seen close friends and acquaintances and even people whom I really do NOT like come to me and ask for enlightenment.  In every case, I’ll sit, listen, zero in on exactly where the problem is occuring…and then lead that person to see the light herself instead of coming out and saying, you know, here’s where the issue is.

It’s part and parcel of my healing gift.  I’m very grateful to my guardian angel to have it.

I counsel people of all ages.  From the early teens to the late 70s and everywhere in between, I’ve been able to put myself in their shoes, not judge, and simply witness their journey towards understanding their true inner selves.

 Which brings me to the point of this post.

Age is truly a blessing.  (betcha you didn’t see that one coming, eh?) 

I’m in my 40s…so I’ve had 4 decades of learning.  That’s 4 decades in which I have:

• Experienced tremendous success
• Done had my heart ripped out and that sucker stomped flat
• Mowed my way thru 4 fiancees until I grew up enough to know what I really craved in a relationship
• Dealt with soul-searing corporate politics and found my reputation in tatters
• Fought with depression
• Came to terms with death
• Learned how to love whole-heartedly even if I knew I’d get hurt
• Wrote 25+ books/ebooks, was heraled in Inc. Magazine, Microsoft Small Business, etc
• Developed the self-confidence to NOT allow people to take me for granted
• Broke the 2004 Google code with technology that gained popularity in the late 1980s
• Learned that being a mom was far more important than being a friend to my kids

Now…think for a minute.  All of those experiences carved and tempered my very soul and inner spirit…and gave it incredible strength and wisdom to boot.  One of the most precious things I’ve taken from my life’s journey so far is the following:

If the heart doesn’t hurt, the lessons are never learned.

In other words, when you’re down on your knees in shock from a punch to your heart…and your soul feels like it’s being slowly shredded by a rusted carrot grater being operated by a relentless cereal killer….

Your mind and inner spirit are finally open to learning something very precious indeed.

I’ve been the witness for countless people crying….and the fellow traveler to watch them gain the lessons they so very much needed to learn.  It’s really agony to see people you love cry…but when you realize what they’ll gain from it in the future, you understand how very necessary the pain truly is.

I remember facing off with one of my kids awhile back…she started crying, and I realized at that moment I had two choices:

• Make things easy for her and take the pain away
• Make things tough for her, be a supportive witness and watch her deal with the consequences.

I chose the second.  And let me tell you, that was one of the THE HARDEST things I have EVER done in my entire life…because I knew I could stop her pain cold. 

But if I did that….she wouldn’t have learned….and she would have repeated the same mistake again.

To this day, she isn’t aware of the fact that when our confrontation had ended, I was knocked out of commission for 24 hours (Giving up that much of my life’s energy always weakens me to the point I get quick sick for some time afterwards). 

Was it worthwhile? 

Heck yes! 

Would I do it again? 

You bet! 

Did it utterly drain me? 

You have not a clue.

And the most important question…did my child learn?

To the point I couldn’t be more proud of her.

When your loved ones cry, there’s a lesson that is clamoring to be internalized.  And while it might cause you undeniable pain to watch that person get crushed to their knees and see their soul bleed…if you provide the supportive love that enables them to withstand the agony, you can help them mature and become stronger for this life than they would ever imagine possible.

And sometimes being that rock of support and pillar of strength is more difficult than you can believe as well.  But for the people you love…it’s worth every bit of pain.  That’s what my 4 decades of life has taught me.

What has your life taught YOU?

Enjoy,

Barbara Ling

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3. Insights Cannot Be Forced, but They CAN Be Welcomed
4. How to face icky reality in one simple step
5. Emasculating the jerks who bother you