When YOU can’t meet your spouse’s or partner’s needs…is all hope lost?

Morning!

Ah, what a simply wonderful Sunday today is.  Amusing, mind you, as I discovered that the mere sight of me is enough to send some folks into uncontrollable laughter, but hey.   It’s character-building!

But I digress. 

Onto today’s topic!  This year will see the 15th year anniversary of me husband and me.  I’ve been truly blessed in so many ways; I think having my parent’s example of their 56 year marriage really helped form my beliefs for what makes a relationship last a lifetime.

But I’ll tell you, I’ve matured lots during these past 15 years – I’m far and  away superior to the 28 year old woman who married my husband all those years ago!! 

Back then, I thought you had to be everything for your spouse.  You should embrace the same interests and participate in the same hobbies.  And most of all, you should be able to meet every one of your spouses’ needs.

I see now….it doesn’t have to be that way.  The love we share is strong enough that we DON’T have to be everything to each other; ‘matter of fact, that’s just impossible.  Case in point:

• I greatly enjoy martial arts and sparring.  He doesn’t.
• He’s a neat nick.  I’m not.
• My idea of the perfect time alone with him is at home sans kids.  His is sans kids too…but ideally in different surroundings, while I could consider watching TV in bed to be as rewarding as a vacation is to other folks.

So….there are definite areas in which we’re opposite ends of the spectrum.  But you know something?

That’s OK.

We’re secure enough with each other that when he spends time with his friends & activities or I spend time doing my thing…it in no way affects or threatens our core relationship.

We’ve had discussions about our various interests and have given each other our blessings for time spent with individual pursuits and the like. 

And when you think on it….if you’re confident in your marriage or relationship, why on earth shouldn’t you give your partner their own personal time and space?

Now, true….I don’t think the above philosophy would have worked very well in my earlier years…I didn’t have the benefit of my current 15 years’ experience on which to draw.  Plus, when you’re younger….you’re more easily swayed to temptation and actions that are, well, not really thought out intelligently at all. 

But now?  15 years later?  Now….I can look back at our 15 year marriage and say, yes indeed, I married the best person for me…and he’s the person with whom I plan on spending the rest of my life.  But it sure is relaxing to know I DON’T have to be someone I’m not … and to know he can have some of his hobby/social needs met elsewhere as can I.   You see….we’ve always known we’re soul-mates…..and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. 

Life is so much easier when you’ve gained a healthy dose of maturity.   Wouldn’t you agree? 

It’s called a "healthy relationship."    I  think the best possible relationship is where you are content by yourself, and your partner is content by himself, but together, you enhance each other’s life experiences. 

Want resources for healthy relationships?  I’ve found the following for you:

• 10 Things To Improve and Maintain a Healthy Relationship
• 3 Steps to Boost Your Marraige
• Advice For Healthy Relationships, Honest Character Dating Distinctions
• Can we not talk about healthy relationships now?
• How Do I Take Time Alone In a Relationship
• How To Keep A Healthy Relationship
• No Ordinary Moments – A Wonderful Way to Start Your Day
• Recipe For an Emotionally Healthy and Happy Relationship
• What is a Healthy Relationship Anyway?
  
• When Depression or Anxiety Enters Couples Counseling

Hope the above is useful for you!

Enjoy,

Barbara Ling

ps – speaking about love and marriage, have you seen:

Relationship Book If This is Love Why Do I Feel so Insecure Carl Hindy

The Dance of Intimacy A Woman’s Guide Relationship Book

Robyn Sisman, Special Relationship Book

NEW ~ Marriage Made in Heaven Find Keep Spiritually Satisying Relationship Book

My Daddy and I – BRAND NEW – Relationship Book

Prayer Begins With Relationship: Book 1, Studies for Sm

The Last Relationship Book You’ll Need: Mastering the F

Prayer Begins With Relationship: Book 1, Studies for Small Groups by Cynthia…

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-- Barbara Ling