Simple Way To Boldly Replace Your Old/Vintage/Dark Ages Toilet Seat/Lid

Admit it – you never expected THAT as a topic, eh? 

Well, congratulate me!  After finally realizing that no, I did NOT have to hire a plumber to fix the broken toilet seat lid (decades of 4 kids pretending it’s a captain’s chair finally ripped the seat from its moorings), I bravely armed myself with a wrench and decided to tackle the problem myself.

First, though, of course, I researched it!  Oh yes indeedy I did!  I searched high and low on Google for:

How to replace a toilet seat

and was the joyful recipient of advice like:

Unscrew the nut from the plastic bolt.

And that’s just peachy advice except for the fact that this particular nut/bolt was a metal/plastic kind that was forged during the Dark Ages and was so stubborn, even Oprah wouldn’t be able to make it change.

So!  Back to Google I went….and voila!  The answer appeared right before me!

Use a hacksaw and saw it off.

Ummmm….a hacksaw?

Now, I will confess, I’ve never used any such beastie before, but did that stop me? 

Did that daunt the sheer flaming passionate desire that rent my fevered self as I declared, I can DO THIS DARNIT and I WILL?

No sirree! 

And thus, I present to you my tips for replacing a toilet seat/lid.  Here we go!

Step 1.)  Make a lot of coffee. 

3-4 pots should suffice.

Step 2.)  Arm yourself with a hacksaw, screwdriver, wrench, and coffee cup.

Make sure the coffee cup is filled with coffee, of course.

Step 3.)  Try to unscrew the bottom bolt.

Fail miserably.  Drink some coffee.  Feel better.

Step 4.)  Gently apply the hacksaw to the top bolt (old toilet seat covers were hinged via a loopy thingee that would make a spiffy Medieval torture device)

Repeat to yourself:

"Jeepers!  If only Survivor could see me now!"

Step 5.)  Learn about the lovely traits of hacksaws on metal bolts.

Did you know that fine little metal filings will start to emerge from under the plastic hinge?  It’s really quiet fascinating!  You could make art from it I bet!

But I digress.

Step 6.)  Hear the satisfying SNAP! of the bolt when you finally saw thru it.

Took me an hour it did.  But wow, was it nifty when I finally succeeded!

Step 7.)  Take advantage of Black Friday and visit Home Depot and score!

Well, okay.  It wasn’t on sale.  But I did get it at 7:02am! 

Step 8.)  Return, replace, and finish your coffee.

Life is truly wondrous. 

All in all, it was a very character-building experience!  I had never replaced anything in the bathroom before…and it was pretty empowering to realize, hey!  I CAN do this. 

Sure, it might take a couple false starts, but in reality…it’s really very simple indeed to replace a toilet lid/seat that was manufactured during the time of the Roman Empire.

All it takes is perseverance.   

And a healthy dose of self-humor as well.

Enjoy,

Barbara Ling

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