The Art of How NOT to Give a Damn

Morning!

Have you ever awakened one morning and realized how quite utterly stupid, ridiculous and downright idjut-like you are….

Solely because you give more of a damn than other people or situations deserve?

Gad, isn’t that the height of frustration?  It’s more toenail-gnawing and hair pulling than spying your beloved children testing out matches on that winning 2 million dollar lottery ticket…and being 2 milliseconds too late to stop the flames, wouldn’t you say?

Confess!  I can see you silently nodding across the screen.  🙂  You know what I mean too, right?

Yep, it’s heck.

So!  Tell me now…how do you train yourself NOT to give a damn when your efforts are simply not appreciated?

What’s helped me in the above delightful situation was to take ownership of my own feelings.  Whenever you go out of your way for your friends or family or colleagues etc…..

You need to view that action as a one way gift.

When you do that, you divest yourself of emotional angst.  Your feelings of appreciation or approval or happiness or what have you don’t depend upon something entirely out of your control:

The reactions of the recipient

By refusing to expect a "thank you" or a "my gosh you’re incredible" or even "here!  Have some fresh coffee for thanks!", you’ve taken back your emotional investment….and you’re free to pat yourself on the back and say:

No matter what, I know I did honor for my friends/family/self/etc.  I did the RIGHT thing.

(right, that is, unless you’re being more taken for granted than an ocean with water.  That’s a whole ‘nother topic entirely).

Remember:

It’s when your emotional happiness depends upon someone else’s reaction that you’re hosed more than a lawn sprinkler company.

Now, true…sometimes it really is difficult to learn how to "let go".  One thing that helps me is to realize the sands of time are continuously marching on….what is true today might be utterly false tomorrow, which might be starkly different next year.  In other words, the value of what’s not appreciated now can be realized many many months ahead….and today is only one aspect of your own particular life’s journey.

It’s difficult, however…

Sometimes I visualize the process as an apple ripening on the tree – only at the right time will it be mature enough for it’s stem to "let go" of the tree and fall away to the ground. 

And just like you cannot force fruit to ripen or flowers to bloom ahead of time…you cannot crowbar your emotions into "letting go" until you proractively give yourself permission to LET them fall away.

So!  The next time you have an insane urge to make the world a better place for humanity (or your friends or your family or your colleagues or your coffee cup), take ownership of your emotions and give yourself permission to give freely without expectations of any return.  Should they come, wonderful….but if not…

You’ll have protected yourself against the painful emotional angst that would crush your spirit flatter than a microbe’s tonsils. 

Never give power over yourself to anyone else.  It’s yours alone to value. 

Do you have suggestions on how not to give a damn?  I’d love to read them below!

Enjoy,

Barbara Ling

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PS – Speaking of not giving a damn: