Control and self-control can be one of the most valuable tools in your Inner harvest. Why?

Because it encourages others to expose their feelings to you without fear.

But there's more to it, of course. Assuming control in relationships is a very delicate thing...if you become too controlling, you stifle your partner (and if your partner ever wakes up to that fact, either you have to change or your relationship simply dies a most painful death), and if you're not controlling enough, your needs end up being smooshed and ignored.

So how do you balance it all?

With great skill, of course. Control without wisdom is like fire without containment - sure, you'll be the focus of attention, but you might burn the bridges that you will need in the future.

If you're too controlling, your partner will be too scared to venture his or her needs/ideas/opinions/etc. Frustrations will build, intimacy will be lost (for to experience intimacy in its full glory means fear must not exist) and disaster will follow (perhaps not today, perhaps not in 5 years, but sometime down the road).

Achieving self-control means *not* living for the moment. It means valuing the long-term results of your actions. It means looking ahead to getting what you want.

Everyone has their own agenda. Let's say that your agenda includes a getting spectactular relationship. Thus, if you're in the middle of a disagreement with your partner, you could let go of your control and scream at the top of your lungs and watch your partner wither before your eyes.

But would that ultimately get you what you want (a spectacular relationship)?

I didn't think so.

The Inner Personal Edge reveals some controlling techniques that will assist you in gaining what you desire. Remember, control in and of itself is not a bad thing - the danger comes when you indulge in excessive amounts.

Continue to enjoy your visit!

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