People have often asked me for the secret of my success in my marriage. I think the secret to my success in my marriage can be boiled down to the several thingees as follows.

1.) Never assume either person passed mindreading 101. So many many many times, misunderstands blossom with the force of a volcano erupting, unless time and effort are put to understanding the emotions behind the actions.

2.) Always look under the surface. sometimes, one partner can blow up at a really trivial thingee, only to learn that it was the proverbial 'straw that broke the camel's back'.

3.) Always ensure that when major discussions *do* happen, they're done in an atmosphere of simply revealing your feelings and emotions. My husband and I accomplish this by saying to each other, I'd like to address abcd, but please listen and don't react until I'm done - this is how I*feel*. see, sometimes reality isn't the problem....it's the emotions that underlay it.

When you set the groundrules for discussions, the other person doesn't perceive you are attacking - you're communicating. World of difference. Then, when one person is done, the other person says, okay, let me repeat back to you what it is i think you're saying. This way, miscommunications are avoided really well.

4.) Take time to make the other person feel special. I will never forget the day my husband came back from a business trip and immediately came to my office to read passages from one of those innerPeace books... it was very romantic. I confess that sometimes I'm lax at this, so am trying to improve it myself via little emails, notes and the like.

5.) Understand that even if you think the other person if off his rocker during a discussion, his feelings are just as valid to him as yours are to you. Thus, disagreements become less of a 'i'm right, you're wrong' and more of a 'gee, both sides have valid points'.

6.) Value the life experiences the other person has. My husband is years older than me, and far more wise at times than I will ever become. At the same token, I, having been raised by folks who are still married after 49 years, have an intuitive understanding about raising kids and how to make them feel special without spoiling them. Appreciating the others' wisdom is very important.

7.) Don't raise your voice during arguments. It takes two to argue - the more the other person gets upset, the lower your voice should go. It forces the other person to listen. loud voices contribute towards continuing a battle...soft voices get more of the humanity involved.

8.) Don't be shy about asking what you want in marital relations. :-) It's only been this past year that we discovered how really nifty neat and cool it is to give massages/backrubs to each other - it provides a wonderful way to unwind and talk.

9.) I asked the husband his ideas as to why we're so good with each other. As he's a nerd, he put it in terms of technology....you first need to ensure two programs are for the most part, compatible. and then realize that the non-compatible parts can be improved upon as development goes on. Gotta love the husband!

He also said that people change as they grow. always be open to learning about those changes.

10.) Finally, the most important thing in my most humble opinion. My mom taught me the following long ago - it's that 'pride is a very lonely companion in bed at night.' Meaning, one's ego is not as important as making sure all is well between two people before they sleep together in the same bed.

My husband and I have been married since 1993 and are truly the best mates *for each other* (heck, I'd be a living nightmare for, say, a super neat nick). You'll find within The Inner Personal Edge some of my most effective secrets at both creating a happy marriage and also making that happy marriage last.

Continue to enjoy your visit!

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